the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
