So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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