i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
