dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I can't turn off my feet"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
