fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
