my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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