By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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