im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
