i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
