I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
