Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
