Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
