I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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