so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
