What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I've blown a few things in my day
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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