Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Are my feet made of real feet?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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