I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
