The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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