I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
