Yo dont text me then not text me
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Randomize
