I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
