Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
