Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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