he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
