nut hugger
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
