OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
