hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
