So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Welp...herpes.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
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