Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
