how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
