I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
