Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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