My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
