I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
