a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
as a side note pls kill me
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
