When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
