In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
