Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
