I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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