she woke up with a sticky ear
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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