The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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