have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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