Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
