I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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