So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
it's great music for shaving your balls
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
