someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
