lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
