VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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