We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
