I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
