your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
