what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
