after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
