I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
